Apparently I’m a miserable misogynist bastard who needs to get a life.  I know this because of the hate mail I got from my Jenny Craig and Loose Nuts rant posted a few weeks ago; but after looking up what misogynist means, I still don’t see how it fits me exactly.

Now, I want you to understand some stuff.  It wasn’t my intention to piss off all the sisters who I pointed at as making our (collective description of men generally) lives miserable; but I’m glad it did piss y’all off because the truth can sometimes sting a bit.  But, I’ve been instructed by the editor to make a formal apology and some lawyer prick told me to advise some shit about my views not being representative of something or another (Close enough. Ed.).

So, here goes.

 

From a couple of my previous rants, you may have noticed two things.  The first is that I’m bitter.  I want to correct that notion, I’m bitter and twisted.  H G Wells once described cynicism as humor in ill health – well, H G would be calling the medics by now for me.  The second is that I hate the Greenie Do-gooder bullshit in the public eye at the moment.  Since nothing is going to change the bitter and twisted bit, today’s rant is about Greenies.

I hate the try hard assholes and uptight Do-good bitches who drive Prius’ (Do we need to bother reminding everyone? OK... Mad Bike Boy's comments are his own and most likely are not the opinions of the management or owners of www.themotorcyclereview.com or its affiliates... there we go, back to the rant. Ed.).  What is the plural of Prius? (Prii? Ed.), and did the marketing people take the word Prius from the root pious?  So, there’s little or no debate that global warming (I think it's called climate change now... seems we are cooling again or something? Ed.) is real, and in my view, sustainability is fundamental to the long term survival of our race, and the planet.  We are consuming resources faster than the planet can regenerate.  Who would have thought MadBikeBoy would have given a shit, but I think the reason I’m bitter and twisted is because of the lip service paid to shit which is just that, lip service.  There’s a name for the bullshit applied to sustainability issues, it’s called “green wash”.

Vincenzo kicked this off.  He cast the first stone in this battle of wishes.  My aim in this Rant is to once, just once, have a written submission that doesn’t require a disclaimer or advisory from the Editor that my views aren’t representative of anything other than the deluded fool who wrote the crap you’re reading right now.  But, knowing the fact that the Editor wears golf pants (and what exactly is wrong with my "Plus Fours"?! Ed.) with matching panty liners and I’m borderline feral, there is a certain inevitability at play...

So, here goes.

My dream garage would look something like:

I have hate in my heart for a lot of things, and for a fair number of people.  Some people are just assholes.  I’m an asshole, I can speak with a degree of knowledge on the subject; but there are people raise the bar beyond rational expectation.

I surround myself with do-ers.  These are the people who get shit done, they start a project and they keep working on it until it’s done.  I like do-er’s.  But I hate the assholes that are Gunna’s.  If you’re a doer, you’d know the Gunna’s – they’re the fucktards that explain to you why you’re wrong, and why their xyz is gunna be so much better than yours.  Gunna do this.  Gunna do that.  Gunna’s are going to be in the queue to be up against the wall when my revolution comes.  They take momentum and throw stones at it until it stops.  They’re the people that stop so much really cool shit from happening.  Gunna’s should be called Never Gunna’s; because they never do.

I’ve got a good mate – he’s a good guy.  A regular nice guy, does the right thing, and he has a project car that’s sat in his garage for many years.  A bunch of Gunna’s have taken the wind out his sails, the momentum out of his project, and the confidence to make decisions.  Building a car or a bike, especially something rare or bespoke – is an iterative process that is fraught with pitfalls and wrong turns.  The Gunna’s sit in the background, hurling stones from their throne of all encompassing knowledge; safe from anything because they never risk anything other than throwaway opinion.